No More Sheep to Count

G’day lads. Hope your day is getting on better than mine. Another sleepless night last night. I think my body is just use to it by now. For the past week or so, I’ve been having racing thoughts; to the point where my thoughts are too loud to even consider sleeping. Sleep can wait. Its been years since I got a good nights sleep. I can hold off a while longer, sure its not healthy, but my thoughts attack me. I sometimes lay up in bed at night over thinking things that sometimes don’t even make sense or wont impact me for a few years. Silly, I know. As of now, I wish there wasn’t a reason to think. It would be a lie if I said I didn’t have a purpose to think right now. What can I say? Its in my nature to think more than I should. I don’t know if that will ever change. I think my subconscious was kicking my ass into finding me emotions. Just like that, in the middle of last year- it happened. I was numb; I was scared. It kills me to admit it, specifically because I hate showing excessive emotions.  I didn’t want to be happy and blocked out the one person that made me genuinely happy. I’ve never been authentically happy before and they made me see that I should stop thinking and listen to my gut. I was blind and didn’t want to accept happiness, my breed doesn’t allow it. I was so paranoid about hurting the one person that caused me to have such a blithe spirit. I’ve been hurt a countless amount of times by people I thought I knew. I couldn’t bear doing it to someone I care about, so much so that I ended up unintentionally hurting the one I love.  Until next time, keep to your gut, lads.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s