Defying Personal Morals for Personal Well-Being

It’s funny how your thoughts alter as time treads forth. I was always the person who tried to accommodate others. I never wanted to disappoint, thus, I never went against the rules. (Or that is, I never got caught.) It’s been a different story lately. Specifically in regards to school. Take today for example. I over heard one of my classmates talking about me to another girl. I was fumed because the accusations against me are false. My French teacher got his papers together and wished to begin class. “Bonjour class! We are going to start…” I had a few options, I could have brushed it off like I do everything or look like a cliche bitch and confront the other individual. What did I do? I got up swung the door open, and stormed out. I didn’t even hesitate  it just happened. As I moved down the hallway, I felt my blood fulminate. My blood pressure exceeded the point of anger. Quite simply, I was fiery and no one was going to fuck with me. My friend was standing at her locker smiling. It appeared as though she wanted to share a joke or a story or perhaps a comment on the long day. Before she could talk “FUCK SCHOOL” came out of my mouth. I kept walking. I heard, “What? Why?! What’s wrong?”. Did I care? Nope. I got to the bathroom where I wanted to escape through the window. I was close to ranting or screaming at those poor people using the facilities. I digressed. I looked into a mirror, my face was red. When the bathroom was vacant, I just washed my hands and got some air. I thought if I went back, I would flip out on everyone. I walked the halls and about ten to fifteen minutes later, I went back to no man’s land. “Are you okay?” My professor seemed concerned. I felt the anger at the brink of disaster. “Yes.” I was short. I knew it too. But he didn’t mind, I’m one of his favored students. All the kids in my class applauded me. They didn’t think I had the guts to do what I did. No one ever did what I did before, it was unheard of. Of course I got a lot of “What happened?” “You look mad” “Are you okay?” “Ahhh man.” Did this stop my classmate? Why of course not. My professor ended class early so that we would have a free study/free period. He called me to his desk and asked if I was okay. I beat around the bush, it wasn’t necessary although I knew he was well aware of the situation. I simply wrote a letter and made sure my anger didn’t come out. There is nothing worse than being falsely accused. I think by now you all know I’m not a vengeful person. I am a push over who apologizes more than I should and help others even if that means relapsing. (Not healthy, I know). I looked into the individual’s eyes and showed them that I had a letter. They gave me this look like they were suffering. As the bell rang, I was handing it off but held it in my hand so we would both be holding it just so I would have enough time to say “You can talk to me, you don’t have to go around to everyone else to talk about me.” When I walked away down the halls to leave, I felt empowered. I was no longer a slave. I was free. I turned on my I-pod to David Bowie’s “Heroes”. Opening that door to the parking lot was like opening the door to self-determination. I was standing up for myself through my brazen approach. Long story short, actions speak louder than words. Until next time, we can be heroes just for one day, lads. 🙂

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