Noli Nothis Permittere te Terere

There are people in life who try to bring you down for personal pride. It’s a shame, but it is bound to occur. Let me be the first to say, I might be hard on myself, however, I do know one thing and I am not easily misguided and or stupid. I know when people hurt me and I distance myself, they try to get back into my life. I realize their attempts and although they are lead to believe they are pulling one over me, I am always one step ahead. The immaturity of others baffles me. This is where I take charge. I am told to “watch myself”. What am I to say to this? Never. I refuse to quiet myself to grant power to others. I am standing my ground with lost relationships. I believe I have a firmer standing on destroyed relationships for the simple fact that I let too much go throughout the relationship for the other individuals happiness. As I have mentioned in a prior post, I go into relationships and established them on the other party’s euphoria. Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me for staying. Hurt me more than that, you lost me. Unfortunately, I let others harm me so much that I leave far too late. What’s more? I give them another chance. Multiple even. You would think this would make a difference, correct? What would make me think this? I am too nice. That has always been a downfall of mine. I try to help others and make them happy. Is this because I don’t know what legitimate happiness is? Perhaps. Everyone should seek sincere happiness at one point in their life. If I can give that to someone else, then my job is done. That is how I am programmed. Anything short of that, I fail. That is how I’ve been wired. It’s insane when I tell people. I feel insane. It’s that feeling that I am a freak and people look at me like I’m a creep. Who knows what they are thinking. I am told that I’ll succeed at whatever I do. I am told I have skill. I fight them to the death on that one. One day, maybe not for a while, but one day, I promise myself that I will see what others see. It won’t be easy, and defying myself will be the hardest thing I have to do. Perhaps that is why I don’t take it personally when I break people out of my life. It’s easier to do now because I am standing up for myself. I can’t be hushed. I can’t be destroyed or scratched or hurt anymore, lads. No one will cease my spirit for I am too strong to demolish. People will try to dull my sparkle, however, I’ve been through too much and my character has been fortified to the fullest extent of existence. For me and my sake, I won’t let ANYONE or ANYTHING ruin me or my happiness. I am bigger and stronger than to succumb to the immature obscure ways of my acquaintances, society, or the ways of man. Don’t be fooled by my external appearance, lads. Until next time, do what’s best for you because in the end, you are the one worth fighting for. 


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